Ars Crematoria

Habang binibendisyunan ng pari ang iyong katawan
at aking kalamnan, nagising ang kalooban
dahil ang tubig - na naglulan sa 'yo sa sinapupunan
at naghatid sa 'yo sa pananampalataya -
ang siya ring tubig na ngayo'y tatangay
sa 'yo sa huling hantungan;
at ang mga iyak na sumalubong sa 'yo
sa magulong mundong ito
ang siya ring mga iyak na umaawit ng punebre
sa huling araw mo;
at ang init ng laman na noo'y nagpuyos
at nagbunga sa pagka-tao mo
ang siya ring init ng apoy na lumalamon sa 'yo.
Naisip ko tuloy bigla
ang buhay parang tula:
iisa ang dulo,
iisa ang simula.

- written after the cremation of a grandparent (in 1999?)

Prologue

Ngumanga ang langit
nagbuhos ng yelo.
Bumagyo ng bato
tinamaan ako sa ulo
Nagising si Pedro
nagbulalas ng berso
isinulat sa papel
itinaga sa bato.

Ang lahat sa buhay
nagbago.
Ngayon,
isa na akong liriko.

- written in 2000 for a book that was never published

Pagsisilang

Matagal din kitang ipinagtiis
Banye-banyerang mga salita ang
Pinalampas
Pinaalpas sa ihip ng mga gabing
Walang pasintabi
Kung liliparin
Ng hangin ang mga bugso
At kadyot ng damdamin
Tangay-tangay ang katinuang
Umaalpas
Na parang tubig sa mga kamay.
At ngayong kaharap na kita
Sa katulad na gabi
Ipagkakanulo ang himbing
Ng tulog
Upang dinggin ang mga umuudyok
Na kulog.

- written one stormy morning in 2000

Elixir

Be for me, sacred tea, an elixir of death
bid thy elements turn potent against me
drown me with your poisons that I may
taste sweet death; rage 'til my veins burst
stir a tempest within, a storm brew
to destroy this vessel with desire consumed
a fire set ablaze to raze my soul, torch my spirit
'til I am no more than dust for I lust for death
and rest. Then, bitter potion, sweet, sweet poison
summon the healer in you to conjure a cure
a concoction pure to rouse me from my savage death
call upon my spirit and let your venom sting no more
then let death from you bring life anew.

- written some time in 1999

Genesis

tiny seeds caught
in fouled air
drawn by billows of black smoke
coughed up by striped nostrils
red and white
protruding from barren earth
catalyze
coalescing dew drops hanging
and waiting suspended
in the hazy tropospheric mass
the burning red star polarizing
the ambivalent sky
helpless against the imminent brewing
of thunderstorms yet numb to the shock
of several million volts blind
to the flashes of light

then I heard thunder clap
from within

- written some time in 2000

You Make Me Want To

It's good to hear from you
Good of you to call
Been wanting bad to hear your voice
I miss that most of all

I don't wanna hang up
For I'll die if I do
You're so much a part of me
I'm nothing without you

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me wanna want you?

We talk and never tire
Think it's beyond normal
'Cause we only talk 'bout things
Inconsequential

What is it I feel for you?
Don't understand no more
Don't know what I'm going through
Never felt this before

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me wanna want you?

With all the confusion going on
Don't know if I can play along
But I say bring it on
Stay with you forever on the phone

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me wanna want you?

- originally intended as a song for Larra, written in 1999

Hesitation

You asked how you could help.
I said you can't.
It's you I'm thinking about
I won't pretend.

Said you had an idea what it was.
I'm sure you do.
I've been saying things I shouldn't have
To you.

So should I tell you or no?
I do not know.
I'm headed to a river crossing
Where I shouldn't go.

Now all that's left is frustration.
What do I do?
I'll just sulk in desperation
And stay blue.

- written in 1999 for Larra

I Wonder What It Would Take

I wonder what it would take
for you to agree to go out with me.
Should I bring out my flashy new SUV
and take you for a ride through the city?
Or should I smile my cutest smile
and wow you with the good looks of me.

I wonder if you'd go out with me
if I filled your room with blooms
or built my body up to a Schwarzenegger
and carry you around at noon?
Maybe if I brought out my witch's broom
you'd agree to go out with me soon.

Maybe you'd go out with me
if I brought you M&Ms daily
or gave you a foot massage
served soothingly over coffee.
I think maybe you'd go out with me
if I brought you all the world's fancy.

But I don't have a groovy car to ride in
nor a witch's broom to fly with,
only good stories and good company.
You see all I could offer you is me.

I don't have looks that could kill
nor a rock-hard bod with which to thrill,
I've only the purest of intentions,
sincerity, with no pretensions.

Your dentist would kill me
if I gave you M&Ms daily.
You might think massage over coffee
as too intimate too early.

So you see I have nothing much to offer,
just me and this bunch of flowers.
I don't know what you want to hear or see
but one thing is very clear to me:

I like you. Please go out with me.

- written some time in 1998 for Ruth H.R.