Cannibalism

Sa paghawak
sa armas kong pilit
binabayo
dama ko
pagkaupos ng sigarilyong hithit.
Sa pagningas ng aso
at pag-init ng laman
nararamdaman
pagkaubos ng kaluluwang said.
Bawat ulos
tumatagos
sa diwang nananaghoy.
Mga ungol dumadaloy
sa bawat hinga ng kalul’wa’t
usok na binubuga.
Bawat hampas
umaalpas
urirat.
Mga mata’y di maidilat
sa kahubarang bilad.
Humahagod.
Hininga’y inaanod.
Nalulunod sa kahibangan ng katawan:
Lamang pilit na ninakawan,
sariling katawan pinatulan.

Pokemon

At 3:10 in the morning
he gave up all hope of ever
finding
the source of his
unhappiness.
There was no one to call
no one
to talk to and blame
for his
misery.
So he pointed
an extended
middle finger
and poked it
into his eye and he
bled
and bled
and he bled
profusely.
Then he said, "Go
fuck yourself!"
'til his brain was all mush
and his eyes were
nothing
but a bleeding
bobbing
dead pokemon
peering up at him
from the floor.

- written some time in 1999

Masaksak-Patay

Nagpuyos ang mga damdamin
nag-init ang laman
nagsalpukan.

Anim ang patay
sa kalyeng nadaanan.
Suntukan

nauwi sa saksakan.
Kumuha ng baril
kumitil

ng inosenteng usyosero.
Ikapito akong bumagsak
nasaksak

patay.

- written in 2000

Vandalismo

Sapat na kaya ang minsang pagdadabog
sa harap ng mga piping dingding,
ang pagpukol ng inis sa maputing pader,
para ibsan ang nag-uumapaw na galit?

Sapat na kaya ang pananahimik sa telepono
habang kausap ang kaibigang alam mong
ipinagkanulo ka na sa demonyo?

O ang lumulon nang sapilitan para pigilan
ang pagbulwak ng kulong kanina pang
naghihintay kumawala mula lalamunan?

Paanong lulunasan ang hapdi ng sugat
sa pagkatao kung alam mong tagos
hanggang kaibuturan ang hiwa?

Sapat na kayang magpakalunod,
o magpakaanod kaya, sa kahibangan
ng kawalang-katinuan, sa kabaliwan?

Tama na kaya ang pagkitil ng daloy ng dugo
sa leeg, o 'di kaya sa braso, sa talas ng kutsilyo,
at ang pagpahid nitong mapulang dugo
sa imakuladang pader ng mga salitang,
"Heto ako, mga putang ina n'yo,
nang iniwan n'yo ako!"?

Sapat na nga kaya ito?

- written some time in 2000

Heal Me Doctor

heal me doctor I think I have a tumor
in my brain help me sleep for I'm drained
nights have turned into nightmares spare
sweet heavens my life for I die in pain
when I lie in bed with the tumor in my head
death becomes an alternative so fetching
it scares me to think I can choose to sink
defeated by the disease or choose not to ask why
I dread each waking moment for
the unbearable comes with the rising of the sun
day dawns like twilight in my bones
operate on me doctor and break me open
to find the tumor in my head to stop the cancer
eating my brain put me up for my day at the room
soon cut me up slice me precisely remove the tumor
in my head anguish fills the life which is not
every nerve ending cries out torment unending
a tumor so reviling defiling me with thoughts
mothers would cringe at give me an anesthetic or
something for death I refuse to live without reprieve

for a life is not when
inside strife rules
anarchy reigns then kills
like cancer or a tumor
in the brain

- written some time in 1998

Mouths Agape

Mouths agape
sucking in mouthfuls of air
eyes squinting
watery
face contorted
stretched
beyond capacity
driven taut
forcefully
by the fiery smoke
of an oral
chimney

death came
so suddenly
he never knew
what hit him.

- written some time in 1999

Omen

making sense of nothingness
decaying rotting trying
to make sense of the world
through mind filled with filth
staring blankly at death forever
forever death wailing at emptiness
the stark lonely darkness of
a lone lit lamp distant shining
flat white light at night
scared of humanity scarred
from the harsh reality of
the here the now the present
eyes unblinking wide open bulging
adsorbing gray images of nothing
the bitter taste of nightmare
growing a menacing
physical presence of sex
of violence evil becoming
corrupting
growing
being

- written some time in 1999

Vertigo

My hands, still wet
from the condemnation
that befell me, tremble
at every heartbeat;
when spurious ecstasies
sparked, spread from
the groin like the itch
of seven lifetimes
overpowered me, gnawed
from under skin to being,
I lost my soul. I groan
in desperation cried
out, "Redemption!"
to the heedless gods.
With endless prayers,
past stares, I choked.
The numbness on my face
and neck let trickle
saliva down my throat,
sweat soaked skin
flooded the core, rendered
helpless my body.
A flash and a glimpse of earth
I catch as it sped toward me -
or I toward it.

Then blackness.

I awoke with pain
tremendous searing through
my brain, my eyes pounding
at each gush of blood.
I strained to see my body
slumped face down on mud.

- written some time in 1999

The Hunt

Down the cavernous path
I saw a roach
making the slow climb
to the grimy ceiling.
It shuddered about
sensing the predator
that was inching its way
through the narrow entrance.
I picked it up
and felt it struggle
between my fingers.
I gave it a little pressure
and felt its gut
spill onto my hand.
I bit on the head
but decided to swallow it
whole - head, gut and all.
I licked my hand clean
and began looking
for my next meal -
hidden somewhere
in the crevices and cracks
of the narrow,
cavernous path.

- written some time in the late 90s